This was my last weekend at work and I was terribly sad. I do not handle goodbyes well. I get attached to everything around me fairly quickly and begin to consider it my own. Given this proclivity towards genuine attachment, it came as no surprise to me that once the excitement of going back to India subsided a little, I started feeling a tremendous void. i am already thinking of a world without all of my things, my familiar and comfortable life, here in thousand oaks. a life that i had painstakingly constructed for myself with my hubby and had coloured it the way we always wanted!
When I sat down to write this entry I thought of writing about things that I will miss about the US in India, the things that i love here. but then I realised i cannot compare the life here with the one there for one very simple reason. I do not know anything about the life there. I have been away from india for going on 10 years now. I am very different from the person who landed in a cream salwar kameez at NYC's JFK airport. And the country that I said goodbye to has gone the fastest and most noticeable change in these last 10 years. My exposure to the tremendously varied experiences in this country especially in California have shaped me and given me a maturity that did not exist 10 years ago. So when i tell people that we are going back home, i think to myself, "is that really true? do i really know what home is?" When we visited India for the few short weeks of vacation every couple of years,i could not wait to get back "home", whether it was freezing Pittsburgh, blowing Simi Valley or foggy Newbury Park. So now i am thinking i am going back home to India, a place that i think i know very well but do i? What i have decided is to consider this as a move to a new place, like all the others we have had so far, a new country, a new set of people and hence a new set of challenges. Keeping an open mind, free of preconceived notions and expectations will make my transition a lot easier than otherwise.
As for where my home is..........well, as some one rightly said....
HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS! or in another, very familiar language, close to my heart...
Jahaan pe sawera ho, basera wahin hain!
Jahann pe basera ho, sawera wahin hain!
3 comments:
True - so true... I share your angst Swapna. It takes a lot of guts to change - period! I can say one thing definitely - you guys will make it seem as if you were just changing a car! If we dont know better, you will soon be back - kicking a** like no one's business. Enjoy Hyd!
Nikhil
10 years can be a lifetime... all i shall say is keep that mind open and as you truly said come with no expectations... the home you left 10 years ago and the home you are coming back to 10 years hence is anything but the same... frankly i doubt if you will see too much of a difference... allowing for the dust and the traffic and the noises... but that is India in the true sense... India lies in its colors and smells... and you are coming to a place where there are people to back you up... its not as though you are returning to a completely new country...
and i forgot to mention... for me... hyd is where home is... and home will always be home... no matter how much and how far i travel...
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